I get it now

Before this, before all of this...when I was caring for people with cancer (as a healthy person) sometimes I did not actually get it.  By that I mean, I would empathetically listen to patients and understand their concerns and trials but then, full on, not get it. 

I struggled with appetite.  For me, this is disturbing.  To understand me is to understand my love for food.  Since birth - love to eat.  Now with zero drive to consume anything, parts of me are disappearing.  So when I had an urge to eat, Kraft Dinner of all things, I went for it.  Well, I married a PhD Nutrition guru - we don't eat KD. period.  Sooo 3 hours later I suffered some of the worse gut wrenching, intestine twisting, cramping I have ever experienced. 

Before, I would roll my eyes and say, don't eat KD when you go through chemo. Duh.  It's going to make you feel sick!!  I get it now.  You eat KD because you are happy you want to eat and you can eat.  Holding on to your disappearing self.