What Scares Me the Most

I'm closing in on the end of my treatments!  You would think this would be a time for celebrations and I would be excited to get back to 'normal' life.  I'm not excited. I'm scared.

Its comforting to have a plan to kick cancer's ass but when the plan is complete, I feel like I'm letting my guard down, giving cancer an opportunity to come back.  Chemo kicks the shit out of you but it's your defense.     

I've heard many people talk about 'scan anxiety.'  This is having anxiety surrounding any scans (CT, PET, ultrasound) to monitor for recurring cancer.  I didn't think this was going to be much of an issue for me but now that I am within weeks to my first baseline scan, I am starting to feel worried.  The type of cancer I have, can recur so there is a looming feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Like every other aspect of cancer though, the only way to get through it, is to take it one day at a time.  That always has been the plan and that's what will continue to be the plan.